Inner Musings

Saturday, June 16, 2001

On Friday, I watched a movie in my AP History class about the Holocaust.

Do you hear that word and immediately switch to a mode of boredom tempered by feigned concern? Does this phenomenon become something of a "desensitizer"? I'll be honest with you: death in no form is easy. But getting used to the idea of death can be. This movie was called "Night and Fog", and it was in French. The words were sparse and elliptical, but the images are ones that are replayed in my head over and over again. I think the worst seen for me was one where the bodies of the Jewish victims were rolled into a dug out pit, and they collapsed over one another as they hurtled towards the end. It was this sick portrayal of the disregard for humanity based on simple bias, the efficiency of killing and the determination of the agitators to destroy their own species...it boggled my mind. It threw me completely off, and I left the room with a sense of unease as to the state of the human mind and the capacity it has to make itself believe what it wants, or allows. It was entirely disturbing, but was beneficial in the sense that it made me examine my life and my priorities. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do such an extreme tragedy justice...kind of a deflator to your balloon of self-content.

I also had to write a "Student Congress" bill for my English/Speech class. I proposed greater criminal conviction for online hate crimes. A couple of years ago, I remember hearing about an website that listed abortion doctors, their personal information (addresses, phone numbers, clinic address, etc.), and also a check next to their name if they had been successfully killed off by pro-life activists. The radicalism of the group didn't initially surprise me; it's practically commonplace to know of racial supremacist groups and religious supremacists (which probably is indicative of a deeper problem). But when I heard that this operation was functioning via the internet, and no one had the decency to warn the authorities of such a blatant homicidal scheme...well. Tighten um down. I'm all for free speech, but hit lists are ridiculous. Ah, the trepidations of an overly moderate government.

Last night, I spent the night at Parker's house, with six other girls and five guys. It was okay; the sexual jokes were running a little over-rampant, but otherwise it was fun, and no, Wesley never got around to calling me. The piece of crap. He's officially off the "pursued" list, and we're moving him onto the "acceptable" one. He better not screw up more or he'll end up on the "only-when-drunk" list. Bastard.

Anemone Ra 3:33 PM

Friday, June 15, 2001

Well, today was the last day for the seniors. I am so jealous that it hurts. Also, I'm going to miss a lot of them! It's very sad, and whatnot. Kind of like meh, what can you do? There are all these people that I'm never going to see again, and all this. How many of them will I actually call over the summer? Not many. My life, of late, has been nothing but mush. Drippy mush. Diego told a guy in my botany/zoology class that he thought I was hot. This revelation was vaguely disturbing. I think that maybe Wesley is a piece of crap and that I should just forget about him already. He's supposed to call me tonight. Let's see if that ever pulls through. Hah. Peace.

Anemone Ra 3:05 PM

Am currently posting from school. Truly a strange experience. I have nothing more scintillating to say other than muah. Peace.

Anemone Ra 9:57 AM

Monday, June 11, 2001

I got a letter from Boell today! I was ecstatic. It was a really nice letter too, telling me how much he liked Seattle and that he wants to come back someday. I can sleep at night now. For some weird reason, it just totally made my day. I failed my History test and my friends are all shit, but it helped me out in a big way.

I played mud football with a bunch of kids from school today. It was way fun. I sacked Diego hardcore. This was a big step for me. He was being all macho and refusing to tackle girls because he didn't want to hurt them so I tackled his ass down to the mud. It was pretty sweet. We didn't talk or anything, it was just hardcore ass-kicking, because that would have been weird but I feel as though we've broken down a barrier.

My days melt by in this endless wash of color...it's really very poetic. I've got all these experiences and they're bright and vivid when they happen, but nothing other than apathy seems to come out of them until the next brilliant one comes by. Fade to black. I'm outro.

Anemone Ra 6:46 PM