Inner Musings

Friday, December 28, 2001

Tuesday, December 25, 2001
9:04 PM

The future is coming on�I�m feeling glad�I�ve got sunshine in a bag�

Well, my Christmas festivities are pretty much over, I feel. It was slightly predictable; no one got mauled or won the lottery, but it was peaceful and nice. On the 24th, we hightailed up to Mt. Vernon and engaged in our usual low-key faire�sans the traditional church visit. Apparently, this year�s program was geared towards �rock fans.� I didn�t understand, but I didn�t press the issue any further. Every year, the gifts get smaller: all of my Mt. Vernon booty fits into my wallet. Now, this is a beautiful thing, but it also means that I�m antsy to get out of the house, and spend a lot of money. And quick.

I did a bit of writing whilst up there, made a list of the �boys of my youth� inspired by Jo Ann Beard. I�ve smooched 19 boys. Is that a lot? I don�t think so, given the circumstances. Oh well. Keeps life interesting, I suppose. Wrote a couple poems, which I�ll probably transpose later.

Brought the Japanese aunties home with us, did the gift exchange. Got: 1 Jo Ann gift card, 100$ cash (bling bling!!), some socks, some Frango mints, and a shirt from my sister that says �my big sister goes to Scripps.� It was written in that faux kiddie writing, and is cute in the extreme. I laughed when I saw it.

I�ve been eating non-stop since last Thursday, and am consequently feeling fat in the extreme. I figure that my wrestling coach will have some cruel workout designed for us, and I shouldn�t worry too much about, what with Kyndell being 15+ pounds overweight.

Am feeling really lonely. I thought the melancholy was supposed to hit when I�m 30+ and single, but apparently holiday melancholy waits for no one. I think I�m going to have to hard-hunt this year for something to do over New Years�. What did I do last year�I think it was anti-climactic�no, that was the Year of Jordan. Twitch. I talked to him today, had a nice, bittersweet conversation. Apparently, he has a cat with his girlfriend. I was going to make some quip about protection, but decided against it. Pompous bastard.

Anyhow, tomorrow morning Aeren and I are going to brave the post-Christmas crowds at Southcenter and battle our way into Vickie�s 50% bra sale. Hopefully they�ll have some undies for sale, too. I�m jonesing. I�m going to put a 50$ cap on spending, though�otherwise, I�ll never have any cash for anything�ever. I also need a job�desperately. Or a new life philosophy. (NOTE TO SELF: LOOK UP �THE STROKES.�)

Jordan paged again later, apparently experiencing fresh waves of narcissism and feeling the need to update me to the status of his static inaccessibility. Screw him. I need a real man. (Where did that come from? My bowels?)

Christmas without Nanny is very weird. It�s not noticeable persay, but maybe that�s what makes it weird�the crumbling of age-old traditions. It used to be that we gathered in her little apartment, cramped to the extreme, and opened boxloads of gifts, many small-sized kiddie department store finds that were wonderful in the extreme. Extreme. Yes. This year, it was kind of like, �What do we do now?� It wasn�t bad, though. I think I�m growing up.

And I can�t stop fantasizing about Kyndell Stone. Ah shit. Look what I�ve gone and done. No excuses, Anemone. Adopt philosophy. Make it your child.

I�m off, to heavily contemplate the order of the universe, and then forget all that I�ve discovered as the throes of sleep claim my mortal body.

Sexual ecstasy�romantic partnership�where are you? Why do I value you so much? You tend to fuck me over.

Anemone Ra 6:03 PM