Caoimhin and I had the best conversation last night that we've had in a while. So did we finally figure out our little issues? Noooooo. In fact, we stayed pretty far away from the subject. It was a fun conversation, though. We were both goofy and probably avoiding a little something, but when I brought it up, he said he didn't really wanted to get into it right then, and I realized I probably didn't either. It being eleven o clock and all. But he said I was being incredible and that he's very grateful. "Let's take this slow," he said. If I didn't know any better, I'd say we were trying to get back together rather than break up. Five more months of this? Maybe. Well, it's off to the institution with me...perhaps I'll be writing more later. |
Well, apparently things weren't going as great with Caoimhin as I fathomed them to be. Stupid me, hm? Get this: forty five minutes before he left, he tells me that (while he still loves me and wants to be with me) he's having earth-shattering thoughts about himself and our relationship, and that he's been hit by a revelation: it's too hard being so far away. I was under the misimpression that we had gotten over that little hurdle, but hell. I can't decide what to do. So now, we're hanging in this almost-not quite limbo situation, and I'm frustrated beyond all belief. I can't decide if I should let the split happen and we'll "remain friends" (and inevitably lose contact; hell, if he can't show up on time, what's going to make him go out of his way to talk to me?) and see if we can't just do that or something...I don't know. I was ready to just BE with him. He was saying that when he looks into the future, all he can see is suffering and agony. Now that paints a real nice picture. Don't know what to do...can't stand it any more... |