| |
 |
Ask Dr Hemp
Past archives February 2002
(part 2).
Scroll down the page to read drugs advice from
Dr Hemp. Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question -
you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].
Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In
Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I definitely
believe that marijuana should be legalized everywhere. I am a grandmother and I
occasionally use it for chronic back pain and it really helps. I need to know
if there is something that I can take on a daily basis that will help me test
clean on a urine test. I have used Goldenseal in the past. I do not smoke
everyday but I want to take something orally daily. What do you
recommend?
Yours sincerely,
Sherlene. |
Dear
Sherlene,
Thank you for
your letter, I always like to hear from the older generation and I am pleased
you have found marijuana helps with your back pain.
Did you know I
receive more questions asking about drug testing than any other subject? If you
want to take something orally, your best option is to use products like
Test Clear, though remember
these drinks only temporarily cleanse your system so you only need to use them
prior to the test and they usually only work in conjunction with drinking lots
of water too.
As they probably are not going to watch you pee, have you
considered using fake urine? Test Clear have a product called 'Instant Powdered
Urine' and is undoubtedly the easiest way get a negative test result. Find out
if they are going invade your privacy further by actually watching you pee for
the test (most companies don't). Also read
this article on Test Clear's
web site about a guy called Dave who regularly gets drug tested; it should make
you laugh.
I agree with you that marijuana should be legalised
everywhere. This would put an end to the ridiculous drug testing scenario and
invasion of basic human rights that seems to be prevalent in your
country.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
 |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Great site and
I love reading your Q & A's. Now I have one for you myself. I am writing a
novel, and part of the story shows a large male cat eating a Malteser sized
lump of dope.
I know you're a human doctor, but I wondered if you know
what symptoms the cat would develop (I presume it wouldn't cop it!) so that I
can be accurate in my description of how the stoned cat fares.
Would it
drool, would it sleep for ages, would it have the munchies when it wakes up?
Your help would be much appreciated, but if you're not sure, any ideas
where I might be able to find out. I've asked a couple of vets and they didn't
want to get involved!
Regards,
Nat.
|
Dear
Nat,
Some people say only the
coolest of cats smoke dope. I personally never waste good ganja on a pussycat.
Sadly a speeding car recently splattered my cat, Josh. I think motorcars are
far more dangerous to cats (or indeed any living creature) than
marijuana.
I doubt a cat would eat that much pot in the first place,
however, if it did, I think things might get a bit interesting. Why don't you
try it on your moggy? I doubt it would be as harmful as the car that killed my
cat.
For more information on the effect marijuana has on cats, I suggest
digging out a few old copies of Fat Freddy's Cat.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. Please do not
waste cannabis on your cat, as I don't think he or she would enjoy it. Use your
imagination instead; I'm not going to help write your book! (Unless you pay me
and give me a large percentage of future royalties.) |
In memory of Josh
1997 -
2001
Sadly missed. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was thinking
about going to Totnes with some mates for a cane-up, could you quote some
prices for the following:
- White widow.
- Solids.
- Skunk
Also, I have been doing a lot of experimenting with
smoking bananas and have found the best way to do it.
Get some bananas
and place them in a cardboard box by a radiator. Once they have been there for
a few days take them out and get a knife and take off the hard side. Then chop
it all up and mush it together. By now it should just be a brown ball, then
just keep pressing it together with your hands until all the moisture is out,
then it will be ready to smoke in what any way you
want.
Regards,
Rich. |
Dear
Rich,
I'm pleased
to learn that a gang of caners are to visit Totnes for a cane-up; rest assured
you will fit in fine with the local population.
As I either grow my own
or use the fine ganja that caners from all over the world send to me to sample,
I cannot say for certain what the price of ganja is in Totnes.
To help
answer your question, I did ask a complete stranger in a local pub who informed
me that grass such as white widow or skunk is sold for £20 per eighth and
solids cost around £10 - £20 per eighth depending on the quality
(unless it's soap-bar which is shit). He also said that nobody should ever pay
more than the prices he quoted (unless it's dripping crystals) and of course if
you buy it in larger quantities the price comes down.
Thanks for the
banana skin preparation method. To all the people who have sent me an e-mail
asking about getting high from bananas, please take
note.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How does honey
oil compare to hash oil? What is the price difference?
Thanks,
Rast. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I dare you to
print this message on your site.
I am not one of those sad cunts who
just goes around slagging off people on the net, but your site reeks of
bullshit.
For one thing advising someone to use brandy in a bong. THC
will dissolve in alcohol, therefore meaning wasteage of smoke...
Ahh,
fuck it, you know little. Try sending me some of your questions you cant
answer. like anandamide being the chemical responsible to appetite, and
cannabis activates anandamide receptors therefore making you hungry.
As
an experienced grower and activist I can say that your site stinks of bad
advice. The only bit of good advice is slaggin off soap-bar - fair
play.
Yours,
Bob. |
Dear
Bob,
Are you sure
you're not a sad cunt? I think you've been lying.
I generally advise
using water in a bong. It's fun to sometimes put brandy in your bong; I've
tried it a couple of times in the past and it's quite a nice smooth smoke.
Don't worry about wasting some of the THC in the smoke, as you can drink the
brandy afterwards and I advise you personally do this. Have you ever tried a
lager shotgun?
As for why you get the munchies after smoking pot, like I
said in my previous answer, I'm sure there's a very good medical reason and it
seems you know what it is. Well done! I bet you're a great laugh to have around
at a caning session. Perhaps you could let our readers know what is the
molecular weight of THC?
I am sorry you are too stupid to appreciate the
humour and advice on this site. Fortunately there are thousands of caners
around the world who disagree with you and regularly come back to
visit.
I shall decline on your offer to answer some of the questions, as
judging by your e-mail, I fear it would make the site very dull if you did.
There's only one Dr Hemp and it aint you!
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. Fuck you,
patronising twat! |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Is it possible
for fish to get high? I left some ganja on my fish tank and when I came back
the little lid was open and my stuff was gone. One of the little bastards has
been grinning at me all week. Should I take him to a vet or rehab or something?
I await your reply with desperate anticipation!
Cheers,
Dominic. |
Dear
Dominic,
Goldfishes need
permanent doses of THC or else they might regain their memory and freak out
about the confined space that some fucking human has put them in.
In
view of this, it is hardly surprising your goldfish had his thieving fins on
your stash; I shouldn't leave it so close to your goldfish bowl. Why do you
think they use cannabis seeds as fish bait?
However, I fear your
goldfish may have overdosed on marijuana (you shouldn't give them too much) and
you will need to book him into an expensive rehab centre for heroin addicts
and/ or members of the Royal Family. Give him lots of water and order a few
pizzas plus a video to chill out with, 'A Fish Called Wanda' or 'Goldfish
Finger' should do the trick.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I've recently
started smoking pot but yesterday was the first time I bought some. My mates
told me I need to sprinkle some of it in to a roll-up and smoke it but it's too
hard to sprinkle. I've tried cutting it up, but I end up burning massive holes
in my clothes when it drops out while I'm smoking. Is there anything I'm doing
wrong? Please help me or my £10 deal is just going to rot in my
room.
Regards,
John. |
Dear
John,
An easy way to prepare
solids for smoking it to place the cannabis on a plate or a non-flammable
surface and heat it with a lighter; you can then sprinkle it into a very fine
powder.
However, I'm a little concerned the reason you are having
difficulty sprinkling your pot is because you have acquired some soap-bar, in
which case I advise you throw it away and buy some proper cannabis.
If
you go for solids then there are some lovely resins available, but they might
be slightly harder to find and will cost a bit more. If you get your hands on
some really good solid, such as pollen, then you should be able to sprinkle it
with your fingers using only gentle heating. You might even be lucky enough to
find some temple ball and if you do, please send me some.
If it is
soap-bar you have and you still want to smoke it then you'll need some thick
industrial gauntlet-type gloves, tongs and a blow torch or flame flower, but be
warned, as this gunk contains rubber, plastic, industrial solvent and very
little THC.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was just
wondering if it's ok to develop pictures of nugs at a regular photo place in
the United States, or if that could incriminate me in any way?
Thanks,
Kelly. |
Dear
Kelly,
It depends entirely on
what type of person is developing your photos. One should hope they wouldn't
say anything, but you never know.
Your best bet is to invest in a
digital camera, or use one of those 'no questions asked' photo developing
services that you see in the back of certain magazines.
If you do manage
to get your pictures developed please send us some for our cannabis photo
gallery.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
What is the correct weight for an
ounce of weed?
Thanks,
Marcia. |
Dear
Marcia,
An ounce of weed should
weigh one ounce unless you buy it from a dodgy Scouser in a Torquay pub, in
which case it will probably weigh less and look like soap-bar.
I guess I
don't even need to tell you about the dumb question award. Send us your
address; we've still got some left.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I recently
found myself in a probationary situation due to a bogus DUI charge;
simultaneously a long time friend gave the gift of some magic mushrooms. I
haven't done psilocybin mushrooms in many years and am as clean as a whistle,
urinalysis-wise, but I want to take these shrooms man! I want to take them now.
I go to my first probation appointment in a few days and I don't think I can
look at these damn things without taking them until then.
Can drug tests
detect the stuff, and if so, how can I pass the test if I do take
them?
Regards,
Mr E. |
Dear
Mr E,
Generally, use of magic
mushrooms will not cause a person to fail a drug test, however, it depends on
what test you are going to take. Psilocybin and psilocin, the primary
psychoactive substances in psilocybe mushrooms, are not commonly tested for in
the standard drug test. Even the extended drug tests used by most companies do
not test for the presence of psilocybin or psilocin.
Having said this,
it is technically possible to detect psilocybin and psilocin with a drug test.
These tests are much more expensive to give than the basic test and rarely
used, but they might be used by the criminal probation services, especially if
they believe psilocybin mushroom use is an issue.
Find out what kind of
test you are to be given. If you have good reason to believe they will test the
use of psilocybe mushrooms, it is worth taking note that traces of psilocin
remain in the system for several weeks. As is the case with most illegal drugs,
there are products on the market that will give you a negative result even if
you still have traces of them in your system.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
 |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I've heard that
if you plant a sack of herb under the ground for a month or so it develops a
sort of mould and the spores from the mould make you trip, is this true?
Thanks,
Sean. |
Dear
Sean,
In my opinion it's
not worth the effort, I've done it and it's fucking horrible.
Some
people do bury their weed, which causes it to darken and is supposed to get you
more faced, but I don't like it personally. As regular readers of my site will
know, the good doctor prefers fresh and sticky greenery or a decent
resin.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Please don't
encourage Americans to move to lovely Totnes. They'll smoke all your weed,
trample over your favourite shroom patch, shag your missus, dump their
radioactive shit in the River Dart and generally misbehave (could even nuke
you).
Peace,
Peter. |
Dear
Peter,
That's a bit unfair, as
I got stoned with some really nice Americans who were staying in Totnes during
the summer and they had no nuclear weapons at all (though I have to admit that
our Bush is much nicer than the American dope they call George Jnr).
I
like pot heads no matter what country they're come from (even Wales). Hope to
see more Americans in Totnes this summer and if there are any caners planning
to visit England this year, you will always find plenty of buddies here in
Totnes.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
What effect/ damage if any, would there be spraying soft soap
onto a 'nearly ready' budding plant that has aphids?
Regards,
LooksUp. |
Dear
LooksUp,
A
standard method to get rid of any bugs is to use a very mild solution of soapy
water; a minute drop of standard washing-up liquid should be fine.
Do
this after you turn the lights off so the plant is still warm when you spray
the solution. Continue to do this for 2 - 3 days and then finally use plain
water to remove the soap from the plant.
If this doesn't work then ask
your local grow room supplier for some predators, though in Totnes they've
started a campaign to 'save the aphids'. Can you believe it? What a bunch of
wankers!
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Greetings from
Iceland.
Here on Iceland we have very expensive weed (25-30$ per gram,
mid quality) so I have decided to grow my own, and I am trying to figure out of
how many plants I have to plant.
Do you know how much bud I can get in
grams from one plant (I'm not planning on planting just one plant) I'm going to
plant indoors (duuhhhh).
Another thing, does one get stoned smoking
leaves from the male plant?
Keep up the good work (Haltu
þínu striki),
Spike. |
Dear
Spike,
Yup, you will definitely
have to grow indoors under lights if you live in Iceland, I've heard it's a bit
chilly up there. No worries though, if you have the space and you're a good
grower, it doesn't matter what country the pot is grown in.
I've never
been to Iceland and I was thinking about a visit later in the year, so perhaps
you could save some of your ganja for me. I can always give you some helpful
grow tips.
It is impossible to give you an exact figure in grams for the
amount of bud one plant will produce, as it depends on different factors, such
as, what strain of marijuana you are growing; the method you use to grow it;
how good a grower you are, etc., A good average for an indoor grower would be
approximately 140 grams per plant, but it could be more or it could be
less.
Finally, no you won't get very stoned from smoking the leaves of a
male plant, as there is little THC in them.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have been
smoking pot for a while and I was just wondering how you hold a roach, cause I
either suffocate it or I burn myself.
Also, my friend always puts his
lips all over the joint and gets it so wet it's unsmokable. Do you have any
suggestions for him?
Regards,
Peter. |
Dear
Peter,
I hold a roach with
my fingers.
Bum sucking a spliff is antisocial and disgusting; I
consider it even worse than bogarting the spliff, as let's face it, nobody
wants a reefer that looks like it has previously been treated as a
nipple.
Tell your friend to learn how to smoke a joint properly without
gobbing over it or make him smoke a single skinner in the corner and miss out
on all the fine social rituals accompanied when smoking marijuana with your
mates. If you make a cone or a tulip I am certain your friend will quickly
learn how to toke properly, as he will not want to be an
outsider.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
I hate to bug you with what'll probably seem like the dumbest
question you've ever heard, but I was wondering about how to roll the perfect
joint, mine are ok, but its a bit hit and miss on whether or not the stupid
thing is likely to gonna fall apart. I really need your help since I'd like to
have the peace of mind of being able to smoke my skunk without one hand
underneath the spliff, just in case the end falls off.
Thanks,
Indyana. |
Dear
Indyana,
While your question
is not the cleverest question ever, I'm sorry to inform you it does not merit a
dumb question award. You should see some of the illegible crap I receive every
day in my e-mail box. Ok, I had to put in all the capital letters for you, but
the grammar and spelling were correct. You'll have to think of a dumber
question than that if you want to win the soap-bar.
Who knows how to
make the perfect joint? I hate rolling the fuckers and always try to get
someone else to roll them for me (even if I have to bribe them with cannabis).
This is why I prefer pipes and bongs or eating the stuff.
Get one of
those rolling machines (or even better a rolling mat) if you're really that
crap, but in the mean time you'll just have to keep trying. Remember, practice
makes perfect; now get rolling!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr Hemp,
I am about to go on holiday for
two weeks in Amsterdam. I've never been before and I am really looking forward
to it, I've heard so much about the place, however I have a real problem on my
hands that leaves me sleepless many nights.
I really do like to smoke a
lot of pot and two weeks is a long time to go without, as I won't know any
dealers there I'm quite concerned that I won't be able to score, this leaves me
with no option but to consider smuggling maybe an ounce or an ounce and a half
into Holland. I'm flying from Gatwick and I'm going to have to get through
airport customs with it, any smuggling ideas? I can't afford to get caught I'd
lose everything, it really is a catch 22 situation, any help would be much
appreciated.
Yours gratefully,
Neil. |
Dear
Neil,
You have two options
here.
- Go ahead with your bright plan to smuggle cannabis
into Holland, an ounce of soap-bar (we're sending you some) should see you
through your holiday in Amsterdam.
- Wait until you get there, go into one of the many
coffee shops and ask for the menu. It will probably be stronger and cheaper
than anything you can get your daft hands on in England.
Now as for smuggling back to the UK an ounce of the
finest cannabis Amsterdam has to offer, I shouldn't really comment, but I am a
bit pissed off at having just returned from Amsterdam with absolutely nothing
illegal on my person, as I waltzed through customs like Johann Strauss doing
the Blue Danube.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have never
tried cannabis before and I wanted to try it. I bought one gram from someone I
know and smoked it to no effect. Is it more likely that I was ripped off
because he knew I had never done pot before or that I just don't know how to
smoke?
Thanks,
Liam. |
Dear
Liam,
To be honest one
gram of cannabis is not a lot and in Britain the street value of one gram of
good quality cannabis is only about £6. Having said this, one gram is
enough to make a few spliffs and could easily get someone who has never tried
cannabis before stoned, which means you probably bought soap-bar. Was the hit
more of a low?
Find some genuine cannabis smokers in your area whom I
am sure will be able to sort you out with some decent ganja. A good dealer will
not rip you off. Thankfully there are more and more people doing it for the
right reasons. Death to soap-bar!
Who knows, as a new toker you might
get a taste for it and start growing your own cannabis.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
From reading
your past letters and by the fact that it is quite hard for me to get skunk in
the town of Portishead I think it would be quite a good idea to become self
sufficient. I'm confused because some people say you need UV lights and I've
seen seeds on the Internet that say grow outdoors, indoors,
etc.,
Regards,
Ben. |
Dear
Ben,
I surprised
that skunk is hard to find in Portishead, I always thought it was another
druggie town like Totnes.
Anyway, it is certainly a good idea to become
self-sufficient, as you may never run out of bud again. Given that you are
probably paying at least £10 a week for a Louis and a basic grow room set
up starts at around £150, you could have a return on your money in a
little less than 4 months. The more you spend the greater your yield will be,
but you can always add to your grow room, as finances allow (this could be
quite soon if you also get into dealing and sell some of your crop).
You
need lights, even if you intend to grow them outdoors later in the year, you
should start them one month indoors under lights; this will give them the best
start for outdoor cultivation. Take a look at the starter kits available at
Starlite Systems for a basic idea about grow room set ups,
or see if there are any shops in the Bristol area. I think your best bet is to
go for the £150 starter kit and grow indoors and like I said, you can
always add to your grow room.
For seeds, use F1s, as they are more
vigorous and more likely to be female; there are some strands which are 90%
plus chance of being female (remember males are a waste of time). Be sure to
check out www.potseeds.co.uk. weeks.
Regards,
Dr Hemp
P.S. If you do
decide to start growing (which we do not suggest anyone in the UK does as it is
illegal), your weekly Louis will soon become a Henry and before long, half an
Australian or more. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I'm just
starting out and I am interested in getting high, but I don't know much about
it all. Is hemp just another word for cannabis or what? How do you take it?
I've heard that people smoke it. Is this true?
Thanks for your
help,
John. |
Dear
John,
Hemp is another
word for the cannabis plant, which is by and large used when talking about
industrial hemp. The terms 'cannabis' or 'marijuana' are usually used to
describe hemp plants that contain THC.
Although industrial hemp contains
virtually no THC and therefore useless for the purpose of getting stoned, it
has many other uses. In fact, hemp is the most versatile and wonderful plant on
the planet.
Hemp can be used to make paper, textiles, building
materials, food, medicine, paint, detergent, soap, varnish, oil, ink, and fuel.
Devon villages, such as, Mortenhampstead or Little Hempstead obtained their
names from this plant.
With a relatively short growth cycle of 120
days, hemp is an efficient and economical crop for farmers to grow. It can be
grown in most locations and climates with only moderate water and fertilizer
requirements. Where hemp is grown, it has become a valuable and environmentally
friendly crop. Did you know that the same size hemp field can produce four
times more paper than the same size of woodland? Furthermore, as it grows much
faster than a tree it can be replaced much quicker.
In view of this, I
expect you are wondering why it is illegal in so many countries. Well, it all
has to do with our governments who are in the pockets of big multinational
conglomerates. Remember there are a very small number of very powerful people
on this planet who make a lot of money from cutting down rain forests, or
selling expensive drugs to treat sick patients, etc., and the hemp plant could
seriously dent their gigantic/ obscene profits.
Did you know that in the
1930's the man who headed that Bureau of Narcotics & Dangerous Drugs that
made hemp illegal in the USA was a guy called Harry Anslinger? His uncle Andrew
Mellon who was the Secretary of the United States Treasury and also happened to
have huge financial interests in the chemical paper industry appointed
him.
Let's hope that when today's generation of pot heads become the
politicians of tomorrow, the hemp plant will be re-legalised and we can get on
about the business of saving our planet, rather than fucking it up (plus I also
like to get wasted).
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
|
