---

Fungus tongue
Dear zincberg, My best friend has been suffering from a bad case of foot in mouth disease, and now she has a fungus growing on her tongue. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Dr. Scholles

Dr Scholles,
Tongue fungus is no laughing matter!!! There is an old remedy that my great aunt stainlessteelberg taught me for just such an occaision. Firstly...take one whole onion, slice it down the middle (make sure to keep it nice and close to your face). Now...as your tears start to form, let them drip into a glass. Take the glass and wash it out. grab your friend with the fungusy tongue and get her to stand near a bucket. Open her mouth wide....and force the two halves of the onion down her throat. Now, take the bucket and smack her in the forehead with it. What you will see....is that although the fungus is still on your friends tongue...any and all sense of discomfort has been replace by an awkward expression of pain and agony....thus your friend is suffering no more of fungus tongue.
thank you for your time
zincberg

back to questions index