Well, I've finally updated my
internal organs. It's an interesting experiment in rhyme. Last night was really fun. I had a hoot miniature golfing. I was by far the worst golfer in our group, but I beat Jordan because he was drunk and was putting in a fashion that can only be described as "shooting pool." "Brandy is lead in the morning, silver at noon, gold at night." (German proverb.) My problem is is that I have absolutely no aim whatsoever; I couldn't hit the side of a barn with a handful of rice. I hit the ball
out of the course twice,surpassed the sympathy number four times, got stuck in the Eiffel Tower once, but! hit a hole-in-one once. It was weird because all of the couples (Gemini and Jillian, Nathan and Lucretia) were snuggly, and then there was me, and Jordan. Jordan was drunk, but he's not a sloppy drunk, so that's fine. I'm off. Hopefully out.
posted by
Anemone Ra at 6:47 PM
Oh Lord. It's been a while. I need this thing like a drug, though. Kind of like strutting in front of a window naked. Hm. Where to start. Haven't talked to Caoimhin for a while.
Talk talked. Sure, we shoot the shit on the IM all the time, but it feels detached, and I always end up listening to some little number about research projects and shin splints. All in good, I suppose, but it gets old after a while. And I feel strange bringing up anything that I actually care about, like, "What's going on with us?" Maybe I'm afraid of seeming melodramatic. But, fuck, I want to know! Trouble is, Caoimhin can't supply me with any answers. He doesn't know any more than I do what's going on inside of his head. I think he just went about things in the way he did so that the cut was never clean. He didn't use a razor, he used a fucking rusty wood saw. Blood everywhere. Jesus. Now I'm all messy and can't decide what I need to do.
Problem is: right now, there are three men in my life. Now, the term "men" in transient; but for the sake of argument, we'll leave it at that. Caoimhin is obviously one of them. Then there's Emre. And the information that they have of each other is quiet minimal. I imagine that Caoimhin thinks of Emre as my tolo date and nothing more, and Emre probably thinks of Caoimhin as my asshole ex-boyfriend. Fuck, I wouldn't hide the truth from either of them, but they don't ask. They don't seem to want to know. Sitting them down and explaining everything seems a bit like pulling teeth. So I exist in this state of semi-reality, really. Fucking teenage love. Anyways. The third guy? Well, unlike Caoimhin and Emre, both of whom I let into my life, Jordan seems intent upon getting in it. I cannot even imagine why he likes me beyond anything other than physical attraction. And physical attraction only carries you so far. I'm kind of skeptical, though. Jordan exists in a state of semi-drunkenness. Now, if God really is Catholic, Jordan is going to hell in a hat basket, and alcohol is packing the sandwhiches. The only time I see him sober is at school and church. (Very strange fact: Jordan attends my Asian American Baptist Church in downtown Seattle. Is he Asian? Nope. His grandpa, Caucasian as well, was recommended to the church by his chiropractor. It's a small goddamn world.) Jordan is an official member of Bluorchid's Drinking Team. He is missing his liver. (It was obliterated sometime during the eighth grade.) He is really actually not a bad guy, and I like hanging out with him. But I feel like I'm violating some kind of universal law by hanging out with him, and not being interested in him.
I went miniature golfing with him, Lucretia, Gemini, Jillian, and Nathan last night. It was a lot of fun, but it sure felt like a triple date. I had a blast, but there are some internal issues that I need to resolve.
And there's Emre. He emits a certain magnetic quality, and is one of the few people who know how to enjoy life. Granted, ganj plays an disproportionately large part in it, but hey. I've never been a detractor. Never been a peruser, either, but I can understand the need. I will sort things out. I'm playing a very dangerous game here, and I don't like it very much. But I can't just eliminate any of them from my life. Jordan...I'm not so worried about. I'm going to go, and come back later. Peace.
posted by
Anemone Ra at 10:43 AM
I'm sick and miserable. I missed half a day of school, which was nice. Always is. Only wish I could feel better to enjoy it, but you don't get "well" days. Life is weird. I will update later. Bed now.
posted by
Anemone Ra at 8:09 PM
