Dr Hemp

Ask Dr Hemp 

Past archives December 2001 (part 2).

Scroll down the page to read past questions sent to our pot expert, Dr Hemp.

Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question - you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].

Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Greetings from the USA. Like many of us fine citizens, I have the good fortune of going to see my probation officer on a not so regular basis. Well, it's December 10th and I have until December 20th to figure out how to pass my urine screen. I am on federal probation and these people actually stand there and watch me pee into the cup. I need a product that I can take orally. I will be smoke free for 10 days when I go to take my test. What is the most effective product on the market you can recommend? Please respond fast I only have 10 days.

Regards,

Shannon.

Dear Shannon,

OK, well as you obviously have not had time to read all of the past answers on my web site, I'll quickly answer this one and put it at the top of the page in the hope that people facing a drug test in the USA will read it before asking me a question. Somehow I doubt it.

I'm afraid if you've only been smoke free for 10 days then you will have to take some measures to fool that test, but don't worry, as this is very easy to do.

As they are going to watch you pee for the test then I'm afraid that you won't be able to go for 'Test Clear's Instant Powdered Urine', which is probably the easiest way to fool a drug test. You will need a detoxification formula, which will temporarily hide any illegal drugs in your system. There are several on the market, I always recommend Test Clear as they have an excellent range of products that do work.

By the way, did you know that the guys who watch you pee in the cup are all homos? So you'd better watch your ass in more ways than one. Alternatively, this could be your ticket to freedom. Offer your probation officer a blowjob and he'll let you off, but he might start doing home visits.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Proven Drug Testing Solutions

Dear Dr Hemp,

I have scrolled through pages of your previously asked questions and have found nothing on what concerns me. I have smoked weed on a daily basis for quite sometime. I am applying for a job where I will have to take a saliva test. I have not smoked in 2 weeks. What I need to know is how long should I wait before I take this test. I need this job and can't afford to fail. How long will the weed stay in my system and is there any way around the oral test? Please help. Thank you in advance for any info you may be able to provide.

Sincerely,

Need This Job.

Dear Need This Job,

I have not heard much about saliva products, so I am no expert. I was able to do a bit of research on your behalf.

I found a place that sells saliva tests http://avitarinc.com/home.cfm and called them. The test does not go back far; all of these times depend on the individual's toxin level, i.e., the more you smoke, the higher your toxin level, etc.,
  • THC - 14 hours
  • Opiates and cocaine - 3 days
  • Methamphetamine - 2 days
Based on this, just abstain long enough or delay the test beyond the limits and you should be ok.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Proven Drug Testing Solutions

Dear Dr Hemp,

I was wondering if you think that the recent relaxation of law on cannabis (did they think we wouldn't notice if they started a war first?) means cultivation is now a safer business opportunity / hobby? Can we all now grow freely?

Much love,

The Mushroom King.

Dear Mushroom King,

Nice to hear from you again Big A, how are things in jolly old Scotland?

I should venture to say, as the Government are regrading cannabis down to a class C controlled substance, it is likely to be much safer to cultivate at home. Though I suppose if the pigs found you selling or growing it in large quantities, they would still no doubt give you some grief. The bastards!

If everyone did grow it for personal consumption, I doubt there would be any intervention at all from the boys in blue. They can't lock up all the 6 million cannabis users in Britain.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

If you smoke hemp does anything happen to you?

Thanks,

Merchant89.

Dear Merchant89,

Depends if you mean industrial hemp or cannabis grown for its THC content? The latter will get you stoned. Rope or dope I guess?

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

It really annoys me that that cannabis is illegal in the UK at present. Hopefully it will soon be legal. What really takes the Mickey is that you can go into any off license and buy unlimited amounts of alcohol and put yourself in danger of needing hospital treatment, but its not all right to buy a load of real weed and have a pleasant time. Anyone could intake large amounts of marijuana and it wouldn't do anything bad to you, not even one tenth as bad a large amount of whiskey, and that's legal! It's a flipping shame don't you think?

It's also wrong that people aren't allowed to grow a plant that is really just the same as growing any other plant. The plant is natural on earth yet we can't grow it. Why on earth not? All plants start from seed or a bulb so why should marijuana be any different?

Regards,

Michael.

Dear Michael,

I see your point. However, I can't take the moral high ground on this one, as I like to get both pissed and stoned, sometimes to the point of incoherency.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.
P.S. To the majority of our readers, i.e., Americans, pissed means drunk in the UK not angry. Also to any Muslims reading this, getting stoned means smoking marijuana and not having rocks thrown at you.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I'm trying to grow my own marijuana plant, I tried in the past and after a couple off weeks they just fell over and died (I was doing everything right I think), but they hadn't even grown much, only a couple of inches.

I really want them to work so I can enjoy them when the buds are big and sticky, I paid good money for the seeds; they are super skunk.

At the moment they aren't doing to bad, they are about three inches tall and they are around six day sold, they have two true leaf's coming out at the moment but this happened with the last ones I tried to grow and they died.

I'm just really worried in case I do something wrong and they die again as I love them like they are my children and I don't want to do anything to hurt them. They are in a big box, I painted the inside white and I've got a light inside the box, I'm keeping them on 18hrs of light and 6hrs of dark at the moment, the box gets nice and warm for my baby's so I think I'm doing everything correct all I need is for you to tell me I'm doing everything ok and I'll grow some nice healthy plants and tell me if I'm doing anything wrong.

If you could tell me any grow tips that would be really great.

Thank you,

Silvermanalish.

Dear Silvermanalish,

From the sound of it your problem is one of the following:

Make sure that you are not using a peat based compost, the best soil mix for bio growing is one: third horticultural sand; one third perlite or vermiculite; one third peat free compost or coconut husk.

Make sure that you are using the right type of fertiliser, a tomato based one is ok to use for the inexperienced grower. Once you have used it and understand how much to use then you can go on to the more complex hemp composts.

Invest in a soil heating cable, as it is just as important to provide warmth to the roots in this type of set-up, after all there is the same amount of root growth as there is leaf and bud.

Make sure that there is plenty of air movement, as this stimulates the stem to grow thicker and faster.

Please try to find a better place to grow them in, as using a box may increase the chances of the plant suffering from mould. A cupboard should do fine.

Finally, invest in a book by Ed Rosenthal about basic growing methods. He is after all, the green fingered god on simple growing methods.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Can you get high if you smoke pot seeds?

Regards,

Vz.

Dear Vz,

Yes it is possible to get high smoking pot seeds, but it's hardly worth it, as the buds are much better and you'd have to smoke a fuck of a lot of seeds to get high. Plus you'll get a better return if you wait some time and grow them properly.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I'm doing a school report on the topic "should marijuana be legalized?". I'm for legalizing it and I wondered if you could tell me where to find information comparing marijuana to cigarettes, so that I could point out the dangers of cigarettes and how they are more dangerous than marijuana.

Thank you,

Josh.

Dear Josh,

As always, I'm willing to help with a school project and I'm pleased you are putting forward such a worthy cause. Your teachers must be very proud of you and I'm sure you'll go far.

To help with your school project, I suggest doing one of Dr Hemp's famous experiments. You will need the following:
  • One ounce of finest quality skunk or resin.
  • Matches.
  • A packet of Malborough or rolling tobacco.
  • A crate of Special Brew (optional).
  • Some Rizlas.
  • Tongs.
  • Bunsen Burner.
  • Open ended glass funnel or milk bottle.
  • Silver foil.
  • Some decent tunes and a ghetto blaster.
Divide your class into two groups and give the tobacco to one group and get them all to smoke the tobacco. To make the experiment more fun you can give them the Special Brew too, as they'll soon get bored just smoking tobacco.

Now take the Rizlas and make some neat cannabis reefers to distribute with your group. This is for them to smoke whilst waiting for their hot tongs.

Mould the resins in to small little lumps. If you are using bud then you need to crumble or cut it finely and wrap small amounts in silver foil. Pierce the foil with a pin several times and then lay the parcels on a heat-resistant mat. Light the Bunsen Burner and heat up the tongs in the flame (if you don't have tongs then a couple of knives will do).

Get a member of your group to take the open ended glass funnel (if you don't have anything like this in your science lab, you can use a milk bottle with the bottom broken off) and place the top end in his or her mouth. Now pick up one of the cannabis resin or bud parcels with the heated end of the tongs and place this in the bottom of the funnel and squeeze as hard as you can, thus releasing the smoke. As soon as you do this the other person must breath in the smoke. Repeat the experiment with each member of your group taking turns to smoke.

Make sure you have some decent music while doing this experiment, ask your music teacher for a good sound system and a few choice 60s psychedelic albums or bring your own decks and some more up-to-date tunes. Hell why don't you keep some of the beers for yourself too (but not as much as the other lot)?

Get your teacher to judge which group seems the most dangerous, then slip him some LSD and send him to the Principal.

Don't bother writing up your experiment; you can always do it tomorrow or the day after.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Is there any THC in the stems of recently harvested weed?

Thanks,

CBC.

Dear CBC,

Yes, but not a lot, you can extract it using a fractional distillation process that is quite dangerous, or you can drink them in tea, which adds a nice flavour to your brew but doesn't really get you that wasted.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I'm from Peterborough, and a couple of friends and I have seen your site and we've decided that instead of Amsterdam, we're going to go for the cheaper option and spend a weekend camping in Totnes in the summer. So, my questions to you are: Are there any good camping sites, and how easy is it from someone 'new' in the area to get pot?

Cheers,

Iain.

Dear Iain,

You used to be able to score bud in a local Internet café, but they got busted and I hear they're only serving teas, coffees and coca cola now [sic].

Personally I don't deal in drugs, neither do I know anyone who does. Honest guv!

If you are genuine then you should have no problem finding some.

Nor will you have any problem finding a camping site around Totnes or on Dartmoor (a nicer retreat), if you dare; they don't call the place 'Little Amsterdam' for nothing. However, always carry garlic and don't fall for any of the alternative spiritual bollocks from dippy hippy astrology type bean-munchers who sell crap on the civic square.

Hey maybe I'll see you in the summer, if not, look out for the Caned In Totnes stand at Glastonbury next year.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.
P.S. Where is Peterborough, I heard it burnt down the other week?

Dear Dr Hemp,

What a fantastic site, thank you.

I am thinking of growing my own plants. However, once the plants have germinated and grow reasonably big, how do you know when to harvest?

Also, do you just harvest the buds or can you smoke any part of the plant?

Lastly, will a plant just last for one season or can you keep it in a pot and pick leaves and buds off it when you need them?

Have a good one,

James.

Dear James,

The correct time to harvest cannabis is around the time when the hairs turn brown. However, this is not strictly accurate. The surest way to test for ripeness is done under a microscope. Pick off a small piece of bud and focus the microscope on the hairs growing on it.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Hi! Great website. Three questions that are on my intoxicated mind:

Are ecstasy pills odourless? My mate has a great idea on how to get some to Ibiza, but I'm worried about sniffer dogs that might be wandering about like they do.

Cannabis resin is not soluble, so making it in coffee and the like isn't very effective. Anyway, I haven't got round to trying this yet, but my mate says to burn the gear into a melted knob of butter and mix it in with some yoghurt. He reckons it hits you pretty hard and leaves you fucked for hours. Have you tried it yet oh great caner of Totnes?

My Dad feeds his canaries on a seed mix that happens to include the seeds of our most beloved plant - hemp! I tried to grow some a while back but failed miserably. Do you know if the seeds get treated somehow to avoid crazy wasters like me trying to grow them?

Thanks,

Pin Head.

Dear Pin Head,

Your best bet is to buy ecstasy in Ibiza, however, the quality might not be as good as what you find in Britain. If you must smuggle them through Spanish customs then I guess you'll have to insert your Mitsubishis where the sun don't shine. Be warned for later usage, they may now be brown in colour and no longer odourless.

If this doesn't work, please say hello to Jonathon King and Jeffery Archer.

Even though cannabis resin doesn't dissolve in water, it does dissolve in oils, such as butter, and yes it does get you fucked for hours.

Don't bother growing your Dad's canary hemp bird food, as generally it has been sterilised and is low-grade hemp. Check out www.potseeds.co.uk for genuine F1 cannabis seeds.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I read on your web site that you could get high from orange peel and toothpaste. Please can you tell me how do you use orange peel and toothpaste to get high?

Thank you,

Timmay.

Dear Timmay,

Unlike banana skins, which must be dried in order to get high. Orange peel is most effective when fresh and only works in conjunction with fluoride. Here is my favourite method of preparation:

It is best to have all the ingredients to hand when making this preparation. Luckily for you everything can be bought over the counter. Red oranges have the highest count of Esterase Enzymes available in all oranges and the hit is far better if you use fresh fruit.

Firstly squeeze a line of toothpaste on your toothbrush and lay it to one side. Peel the orange and quickly smear the toothpaste on to the pith with your toothbrush. Cover it entirely and that's it! Eat the orange peel immediately and wait for the effect to come on. There is no limit to the amount you can ingest, so therefore it can be quite addictive. Be warned if you're holding down a responsible job; approach with caution.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Great website! I'm growing my own medicinal herb for the first time, and decided to try compact fluorescent lamps ("energy saving light bulbs"). They worked fine on some other plants (not weed) I grew - I was using the equivalent of 300 watts output (as stated on the box), or in other words, 6000 lumens. Because they are energy savers this 300 watt, 6000 lumen output only cost me 54 watts of electricity. My plants grew bushy and lush and tasted good (they were herbs of the kitchen kind).

Pretty good, yes?

I was hoping to set up my weed in the same way, as I genuinely can't afford even a 70watt HPS (I'm housebound with my illness and skint). Could you advise whether I can get away with using only CF lamps? Seeing as they're only about £3 each (for Philips) I can afford to get quite a few running to boost light output in my cupboard. If it's any difference, I'm growing Skunk #1 and White Widow in an organic bio set-up.

Finally, would I be able to grow good yields from only one or two good-sized bushes - as opposed to SOG? Seeing as CF lamps are so small and powerful (they are pretty warm to the touch too!) it's not possible to use them over a large flat area (as you can with regular fluoro's in SOG) - they need to be used in a reflector above a smaller area, the same as HPS.

Sorry for the long mail, I'm off for a spliff now. Ta-ra.

Leef.
P.S. Please do not publish my e-mail.

Dear Leef,

Well you sound as if you have been looking into this for a while now. The general answer to all your questions is yes, but I do advise you to look into getting some Grolux strip lights, as the correct spectrum of light is as important as any other part of the set-up. I hope you have amazing success in your venture and if you get any good results do not hesitate to send us some pics for the gallery (and of course a free sample).

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Hey, how's it going? Anyway, I have a quick question, my boyfriend had to get his appendix out two days ago and he thinks he can't smoke or where he had surgery will get infected (on his side just in case you didn't know). What do you think? He can walk and laugh, just not choke. Do you think he can smoke as long as he doesn't choke or will it get infected?

Best regards,

Roller.

Dear Roller,

What the fuck? Ask a real doctor. I'd tell your boyfriend not to worry too much as I think everyone should have his or her appendix taken out for a laugh. Personally I'd prescribe cannabis, as this is likely to calm him down after his traumatic experience.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

'Allo mate, how goes it? I was skimming through your Q&A page and wanted to let you know about the rather bizarre laws surrounding magic mushrooms, as someone wanted to know if you could get banged up for possession.

It is not illegal to have them growing, for example: if a farmer has a dormant field that is full of them, it means jack shit. It is not even illegal to pick them, however, it is illegal to put them in a bag (?) and remove them from the field. Also, it is very much against the law to dry them, and cook them. But, although I have not fully checked it out yet, I think that there are nifty ways of avoiding these regulations.

If you find a crop these wonderful fungi then I believe that the pigs can say absolutely sod all if you dig up the turf and take the shrooms without uprooting them; this will mean of course that you'll have to use a van to carry them, but that just means that you can take more!!! Also, you are perfectly entitled to eat the mushrooms where you find them, so you and your mates can go down to a field on a nice autumn day, and spend the rest of it tripping off your tits!!!!!

I hope the info is useful; it's just a pity that the first frosts have already started. GODDAMMIT!!!! And why the fuck are trips so bloody difficult to get hold of? It's not fair! How the hell am I supposed to get through college without a little escapism and 'those indescribable feelings of total clarity'? You'll have to excuse me; I'm talking trippy bollocks again, occasional slip-ups do occur, even without the regular intake.

Take it easy (though I'm sure you will).

Yours,

The Strange Girl.

Dear Strange Girl,

I don't advise that anyone digs up the turf in order to gain fresh mushrooms, as this will kill the fungi, which resides mostly in the ground and there'll be none left for next year.

I shouldn't bother getting too paranoid, as the Police are unlikely to arrest mushroom pickers, unless you are unlucky enough to be caught selling them.

By the way, it sounds like you've already over done it on the mushrooms, as you don't half go on.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

A friend of mine said that you could get high off of the resin in your pipe. First of all is this true? Second would there be any benefit to cleaning a glass pipe other than for looks?

Sincerely,

Confused Stoner.

Dear Confused Stoner,

Many a time have I coughed my guts up smoking goo scraped out of a pipe/bong just because I'd ran out of dope and was desperate. It must be said though that the residue will be mostly tar and is likely to give you a hit on par with the worst soap-bar asphyxiation type hit. Not good. There is a good likelihood that it contains a fair amount of THC. So if you have just run out of cannabis then does it matter? I've smoked some right shit in my time.

Have you ever thought about growing it and then you may never run out again!

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Last night was my mate's 18th big bash, all us manz and ladies got lean up and high like mutha fuckas. I was totally mashed up, but still wondering what are the true signs to tell if you're high?

Thanks,

Porch.

Dear Porch,

A good way of telling if you are high after a good drug binge is when you have to appear in court next day charged with indecent exposure.

Another good suggestion is to buy an altimeter and some LSD or ask your employers for a copy of your drug test result.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I have a question Dr Hemp, what does refrigerating marijuana do? Does it affect its potency, I am curious?

Thank you,

Brody.

Dear Brody,

By refrigerating marijuana you will make it colder.

Basically, if you smoke wet grass, as I understand they do in the USA, then this is the best method of storage. You can also freeze wet grass.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

When is the best time to pick mushrooms? Is it early morning, night time or after it rains? What is the best temperature? How long after it rains? Does it have to rain?

Regards,

Sole.

Dear Sole,

Early morning is usually the best time to pick mushrooms, as if it's a good spot, you can be assured other caners will go there to pick them as well and if you arrive too late there will be none left for you to pick. Also it gets dark earlier during mushroom season in the UK, so it's best to pick them when there is enough light to see what you're doing.

I'm not sure if it has to rain, though from personal experience I find there's usually particularly good crop if it's been raining well the night before. Also the full moon seems to make them stronger and more plentiful.

As for the temperature, the first heavy frost will generally denote the end of magic mushrooms season. I'm of course talking about the Liberty Cap magic mushroom, which is the most common found in Britain; there are indeed many other hallucinogenic mushrooms to be found all over the world, all year round.

I suggest you do your own research if you are that interested. Also, if you manage to pick thousands of magic mushrooms, please send me a couple hundred, as I'm finding it difficult to smoke all the home-grown cannabis people keep sending me to sample and I could really wash it down with a nice cup of tea.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.
P.S. Can people please stop sending me cocaine in the post as I nearly shat myself thinking it was anthrax and almost called the police, which upon reflection wasn't a good idea! More ecstasy please! Does anyone have any Doves?

Dear Dr Hemp,

After letting the banana skins dry and scraping them do you put the scraped 'bits' in a rolly with some baccy and smoke or do you do it some other way?

Also is there any other way of drying banana skins like in the microwave/oven or with a heat lamp? Cos I think my mum might suspect something if she sees a load of banana skins on the radiators?

Thanks,

Steve.

Dear Steve,

Grind the dried banana skins into very fine pieces. You'll find they are better smoked neat rather than with tobacco. I don't recommend a microwave, as this will merely make them soggy. The metahydrolic-androxyns are only really effective when they've been dried thoroughly.

You could always put them in a box and leave them under your bed or any other dark dry place where your mum won't find them.

If you cannot covertly dry them at your home then may I suggest you get some orange peel and toothpaste, which you do not need to dry in order to get high. Failing that you'll have to pick some magic mushrooms or purchase some LSD if you really want to try hallucinogenic drugs.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I'd just like to start by saying you have a very clear, nicely laid out site (helpful to browse when your high I noticed). Also I'd like to thank you on behalf of all the people you've helped to answer questions for. I was just wondering why you seem to promote MDMA drugs like ecstasy.

Surely these drugs are man-made and the effects of them to people have been horrific on occasions. I can see the point in taking natural drugs like hash, shrooms etc., which I have no problem with but I'd like you if you would to explain to me the side effects of ecstasy in your own words and why you would recommend this drug with the huge amount of risks involved?

Thanks in advance for your answer,

Matt.

Dear Matt,

We don't particularly promote ecstasy; we give some information about the drug, which a lot of people are taking anyway.

The side effects of ecstasy are variable. Generally, it makes you feel euphoric and at one with the world. Music can be enhanced and smoking a bong is great fun when on E.

Did you know that in the last century psychiatrists prescribed it to patients for counselling?

To answer your last question, yes there are some risks involved with ecstasy, however, these risks are not as great as the press or the Government would have you believe. Furthermore, many of the deaths that have been much reported in the press have been a result of bad pills (i.e., pills not containing MDMA) or through misuse. Surely it is better to have a web site like ours offering practical advice, as opposed to the 'don't take ecstasy it's dangerous' line that you will find on government anti-drug sites?

Why don't you read the ecstasy page on this web site for more information on MDMA? There are also links to some other good sites that have more detailed information; don't ask me, I'm a very indulgent doctor and only do it because I love it.

Hope this answers your question.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

I was curious of how to make mushroom tea. I read somewhere you boil the mushrooms in water until they sink and then strain out the mushrooms and drink the liquid. Is this correct or is there a better way?

Thanks,

Anave.

Dear Anave,

Either boil them in a pan on your cooker for about twenty minutes or brew them in a flask with boiling water. You can usually get a second brew out of shrooms, but don't expect it to be as strong.

Another tip is to add a teabag and/or sugar for flavour.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Dear Dr Hemp,

Can you recommend a variety of indoor skunk for a relative novice with green fingers?

Thanks,

Dr Chris.

Dear Dr Chris,

Are you real doctor? My other alias is Dr Bullshit.

Big bud, super skunk or northern lights should get you sufficiently wasted. They all have different growing cycles so if you do have green fingers then please research your chosen variety with care in order to achieve the best results.

A personal favourite is northern lights/haze no.5 mix that takes longer to grow, but is sufficiently rewarding for the extra effort involved.

As per usual, if you get a good crop send a sample to the usual address shown on this website. At the least a photograph will suffice for our bud gallery.

Regards,

Dr Hemp.

Click here for more questions to Dr Hemp.

Caned in Totnes Pot pics
Ecstasy Links
Magic mushrooms Bibliography

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