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Ask Dr Hemp
Past archives January 2002
(part 2).
Scroll down the page to read past questions sent to our
pot expert, Dr Hemp. Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question
- you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].
Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In
Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am a
seventeen year old who has regularly smoked cannabis and drunk large quantities
of booze while being abusive to French people.
My parents say it is just
a phase that I will grow out of and have refused to pay for me to go to an
exclusive drug rehabilitation unit for heroin addicts.
Do you think I
have bad parents?
Regards,
Dave. |
Dear
Dave,
Yes, you do have
bad parents; surely they should have noticed the early signs of depraved
humanity that you sank into after you started smoking cannabis!
If they
really loved you, they'd have reported you to the police and sent you to a drug
rehab centre for heroin addicts.
You need to explain to your parents
that it's entirely their fault you are a waste of space. Have you considered
suing them?
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Is it true that
Prince Harry Pothead is in rehab 'cos he had a spliff? Maybe if they weren't
such a bunch of inbreds they might realise that gin could be the problem.
See what happens when your father's name is
Charlie?
Regards,
Peter. |
Dear
Peter,
While it is true that
most heroin users have tried cannabis, it is also true that most cannabis users
have never tried heroin. In view of this, I'm slightly confused as to why
Prince Charles sent his son to a drug rehab centre for heroin addicts when he
discovered he had smoked a few spliffs.
Personally, I'd be more worried
about the fact he was drinking large quantities of alcohol while underage and
being abusive to a French chef in the pub. I think Prince Charles could well do
with a bit of education on drugs himself.
As far as I'm concerned,
cannabis usage should not be a criminal offence, Royal or
not!
Regards,
Dr
Hemp.
P.S. If you're reading this your HIGHness, when you leave home
(or should I say palace) why not grow your own? It should be legal in Britain
in a few years and anyway you could always talk your big brother into making it
legal when he's King. Remember, despite the crap they told you at the rehab
centre, it doesn't turn everyone into a hopeless heroin addict.
P.P.S.
With regards to those drug tests you will be obliged to take at Eton, may I
recommend our good friends at
Test Clear who have some
excellent products to help you fool those nosey bladder cops. |
 |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I wanted to try
shrooms, I've never tried them before. I was wondering like how much they cost
and how much I should take. Also I was thinking about growing shrooms, I looked
all over the net and all they said was the rice cake and syringe technique. I
was wondering if you have a better method of making them.
Thanks
you,
Chris. |
Dear
Chris,
Shrooms are a
wonderful natural hallucinogen similar to LSD. Both are very interesting and it
has to be said, quite fun!
Personally, I never have to pay for magic
mushrooms, as they grow in the wild where I live so therefore I pick lots every
October.
If you cannot wait until mushroom season and want to grow your
own magic mushrooms then you can buy a grow kit from
www.potseeds.co.uk/mushrooms. These are easy to use and
some very powerful stains can be grown this way.
You will find dealers
who sell shrooms in cities or at festivals, but you shouldn't pay too much
money for them as remember the person selling them won't have paid anything for
them. £5 a gram max is the going rate.
In late September go out
and pick your own so you don't have to pay for something that grows in the
wild.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am a student
and recently started a nice little 'White Widow' plant that has been growing 5
weeks, and is now well and truly into its vegetative phase. Due to
circumstances I am having to grow it in a wardrobe, about 2.5 feet across, will
this be wide enough for the plant? Finally, I only have 9.5 weeks left of
growing time (there's no way I could get the plant home from university over
Easter); can I get it to flower in time? And in how many weeks should I turn
down the photoperiod?
Thanks,
Mystery Bloke. |
Dear
Mystery Bloke,
Your
wardrobe should just about be big enough. If you put under a sodium lamp now
you should just about cultivate your plant in time, but you may need to dry
them somewhere else.
Start the flowering stage straight away; it
normally takes about 10 weeks, however if you're lucky you may get away with 9
weeks and you could also try reducing the light time to about 11 hours for the
last couple of weeks. The down side to this is it will not get any
bigger.
If not, keep it in a vegetate state and take clones to start a
new grow room when you move.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
My name is
Brian and I am 16.
Recently I started smoking weed. Once or twice, I
became very sick. The first time it happened was the first time I smoked and
the second was in the morning; I only took about 3 hits. I assume it may be
because I didn't take the time to sort through it and remove the seeds. Could
smoking seeds make you sick?
Often my friends refer to that feeling as
being "baked". Can you please clarify this for me?
Thanks,
Brian. |
Dear
Brian,
Smoking pot seeds is not
particularly nice, however, I suspect the real problem is you are a woos! It
must be real embarrassing for you when your friends laugh at your inability to
smoke ganja properly. Everyone reading this web site and myself included are
laughing at you too. Please can you send us a picture of yourself so that we
can publish it on the web site and laugh at you even more? You wet blanket!
Do not to smoke seedy greenery; the best option is to grow your
own.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am a daily
purchaser of marijuana and I have always been able to get really good shit, but
lately I have only been able to buy off this one guy whom I suspect to be
lacing his chronic with something. They are what appear to be male buds,
because I often find seeds within it and there is a lot of bottom-of-the-bag,
busted weed underneath the buds. It gets me really high, higher than most other
'triple A' ganja, so I think he might be getting really cheap bud and lacing it
with something. Is there any way to tell if your pot has been laced with other
drugs or chemicals? I would really like to know, 'cause I often have to buy
this shit!
Thanks,
Chris. |
Dear
Chris,
If there are seeds in
your dope then it can't be a male plant, as seeds only grow on female or
hermaphrodite plants. As regular readers of my site will know, Dr Hemp does not
like seedy or laced greenery (unless it's free).
You need to find a
better dealer, as the guy you're currently using sounds like he's only after
your money and not your interests.
Why don't you grow your own, instead
buying crap from cunts like that?
It's not that difficult to be
self-sufficient and there are plenty of grow tips on my web site, plus you can
always write a letter to Dr Hemp if you need any helpful gardening tips (he
he).
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was wondering how do I start growing
cannabis?
Cheers,
Yup. |
Dear
Yup,
To start growing cannabis I
suggest you get some cannabis seeds or cuttings. Many thanks for the question;
we've not had a dumb question award for a while. Congrats! An ounce of soap-bar
is on its way to you now.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Biol ,
As I've
already mentioned before on this site, to cook with cannabis I advise using
resins or pollens rather than weed. Melt the cannabis gently in oils or butter
and cook as you would normally cook brownies, the only difference being that
you've added cannabis to your recipe.
Use as much cannabis as you can
afford to put in, generally an eighth should get a few people sufficiently
wasted.
Brownies are great as you can eat them anywhere without the law
knowing what you're up to. Someone gave me one in the pub the other day, which
was nice.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. If anyone out
there has some good cannabis recipes, please send them to
[email protected]
and if they're any good, we'll publish them on our forthcoming recipe
page. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
You got a
really cool site. I've got a couple of questions.
On banana peels, how
much should one smoke or ingest? And what is rice wine, or are there other
substitutes?
And if purple haze is simply missing the calcium, why
does it smell like something has been added?
Thanks for all the good
info,
Rich. |
Dear
Rich,
It's similar to pot in that
you can smoke shed loads of it, depending on how hardcore you are.
Rice
wine is Sake, which is from Japan and is always a good accompaniment with
oriental food. It can get you very wasted and is best drunk warm. It's also
very good with dried banana skins and will enhance the high as Sake reacts with
the metahydrolic-androxyns or bananadines found in the skin of the common
banana.
Purple Haze is a good quality sinsemilla. It tastes sharp and
little spinach like, but a good high; it should not be laced with
anything.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I've been
offered ½ oz. resin for £25, as I'm new to this game I haven't got
a clue to the going rate prices. Does it sound about right? Sorry to trouble
you with such a trivial matter.
Yours sincerely,
Bay. |
Dear
Bay,
Save your money mate as I
reckon you're being offered soap-bar, which is cannabis for idiots. For
approximately £200 you could buy a growing set-up and never have to
bother again with crap sold by dealers who are out to rip you
off.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Do those towns
folk still dress up on market day in period garb? Most
funny.
Love,
Fred. |
Dear
Fred,
Yes and they still look
ridiculous. Want to buy any nice homemade jam? If so, Tuesday market in Totnes
is the place to be.
If you're not into jam then don't worry, as there
are plenty of other homegrown products readily available in Totnes. Spoilt for
choice really.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Do they look caned? |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have a huge
problem.
I used to toke it up styles but recently developed a "while
stoned craving" for alcohol. The problem is that whenever I mix the two, I get
the greens. Is there any way around this, besides stopping drinking the
alcohol?
On to another subject, is it normal for one to really enjoy
the taste of dried shrooms? I love them plain but also find them nice on toast
with melted cheese.
Regards,
Marc.
PS. I've heard of DP (Durban
Poison) being quite expensive overseas, is our homegrown weed that good? (I
live in Durban, South Africa) |
Dear
Marc,
I also like to get
pissed and stoned, though I generally don't have a problem with whities (or
greenies in your country). If alcohol really is a problem, may I suggest
ecstasy instead? Simply because it's even more fun than drinking, though you
can't do ecstasy every night, bummer eh! I guess you'll have to learn not to be
such a lightweight or drink less.
I don't mind the taste of raw shrooms,
what sort do you get in South Africa?
Durban Poison is a nice bud if
grown properly and I bet you pay a lot less for it than we do in England. It
still doesn't beat good bud grown under lights in controlled
conditions.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have heard
that you can successfully grow skunk in the UK greenhouse if you force it to
flower early in June while the sun is still strong and covering the plant after
12 hours of light and what light proof item would you cover it with? Is this
true? What would it be like if you left it to flower on it's own when the
daylight period changes to 12:12. Also could you recommend some organic liquid
feeds that contain all the right nutrients and NPK levels and trace elements
please? Could you also tell me a good way of disguising skunk plants in the
greenhouse?
Regards,
Micael. |
Dear
Micael,
Yes this is true, you
can grow good skunk in a UK greenhouse.
Find someone with a light (or
buy one) and start the first month under lights before you place it in a
greenhouse; you'll need to do this by April and it should crop in September /
October. As for covering the plant in June, don't bother, leave nature to do it
all for you (they do grow in the wild, in India etc.,) Once they have gone past
the 12:12 period, they try to produce more flowers, as they believe that winter
will be coming. For organic fertilisers, I advise you look for an NPK of around
10:20:10.
To disguise your plants you could try the old favourite of
growing them with tomato plants, perhaps hang a couple of small red balls on
each plant or even white wash the glass of the greenhouse, this can stop the
plants being burnt by the sun.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I know a place with a lot of cow shit but I
don't know what the shrooms look like or if they're real or when (what time's
best) to pick them? I live in Miami FL.
Help me,
InfamousDevil666. |
Dear
InfamousDevil666,
I live
in Totnes, Devon, England, so how the fuck should I know how, when and where to
pick magic mushrooms in Florida? I think another dumb question award is in
order.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
Hey, nice site. Me and my friend are going to try that orange
peel and toothpaste thing, but what we wanted to know is how many orange peels
do we need to eat in order to get high?
Regards,
Vince. |
Dear
Vince,
Red oranges are the
best as they contain the highest amount of Esterase Enzymes. You can consume as
much as you are humanly able, just remember to spread an even amount of
fluoride toothpaste on the pith in order to get wasted. I particularly
recommend well-known household brands such as Colgate or Aquafresh, which have
good fluoride content.
Another advantage of getting high on orange peel
and toothpaste is that it's very good for your teeth. Did you know that the
Indian Dental Association used to actively encourage this practice until 1989?
That was before the Indian Government caved in to demands by the American
Government to make the consumption of orange peel and toothpaste illegal. This
resulted in 14 million Indian children being disowned by their
dentist.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am currently
outside of my country (United States) and the country I am in has very cheap
marijuana. I would love to send some back to the states for profit and I was
wondering if there are any tricks to send weed through the mail, possibly 3 or
400 grams bricked.
Thanks,
Matt. |
Dear
Matt,
They do use sniffer dogs and
what with the recent increased security, don't be too surprised if the
authorities intercept your pot, the bastards!
If you do want to send pot
in the post, try and disguise it as best as possible, perhaps electrical
equipment or ornaments. I know that pot often gets intercepted, especially if
sent from Holland. I guess the smaller the package, the better chance you have
of getting it through.
The dogs are highly trained and may find your
stash even if you have tried to mask the odour of your package. I did a bit of
research and found this article on the web
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/sunday/cover_stories/article_780.asp,
which mentions a solution of vinegar, salt and pepper that the dogs
hate.
Alternatively, start up a big drug cartel and ship it in by the
tonne. However, you deserve to be arrested if this cheap marijuana you're
talking about turns out to be soap-bar. Yuk!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Larwence,
There
are a few industrial hemp fields in the UK, but I doubt this is what you're
looking for, as you cannot get stoned from industrial hemp.
The other
kind of cannabis farms are generally kept in secret locations so therefore I
don't know where to find them. Try Morocco or Holland or ask a policeman.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am currently
surfing the net gaining info about growing some skunk at home in my
loft.
I have found your site to be informative and funny and wonder if
you could help me with the last bit of information I need.
I understand
the police helicopters (I live in Essex, UK) do random flights with heat
seeking equipment looking for growers!
How can I safeguard myself?
I only plan to grow a few plants under a max of 600w HPS. Please
help!
Yours sincerely,
Dave. |
Dear
Dave,
What with the recent
world events and the Government's decision to reclassify cannabis as a class C
drug, I should be surprised and disappointed if the police are wasting tax
payers money using helicopters to look for cannabis growers in Essex.
If
possible try to arrange your extraction fan to vent via the chimney. I also
know someone who lined his room with lead, but that's a bit extreme. Perhaps
you should start a grow room in your local church roof?
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How many
marijuana pills dose it take to get ripped.
Cheers,
Dum1. |
Dear
Dum1,
I assume you mean filling
capsules with marijuana, in which case I'll say why bother when it is much
better to cook with cannabis. Save your capsules for MDMA powder if you can get
it.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Hey just me
again, I forgot to ask you one thing. Why is one of my friends always hugging
people when he's high?
Thanks,
Harry. |
Dear
Harry,
Perhaps you're friend
also sneaked down a pill when you were not looking?
Still it's better
than being a violent wanker who has drunk too much booze.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have a friend
who is transporting half a pound of skunky chronic and he does not want the
girls he is driving with to know he is carrying it. Do you have any suggestions
on hiding the smell within the car?
Yours sincerely,
Scott. |
Dear
Scott,
I always say ganja is
best shared and if your friend told the girls that he has a nice half pound of
skunk on him, I'm sure they'll like him a lot and want to be very good
friends.
If he really doesn't want anyone to know about his stash then
he will have to get a sealed container and put it in his suitcase or somewhere
they won't find it. Tell him to get one of those nice Garfield air freshener
thingies to hang on his rear view mirror; he'll have to take down the furry
dice.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How many plants
can I grow with one 400watt metal halide?
Cheers,
Danny. |
Dear
Danny,
With one 400watt metal
halide you should be able to cultivate 8 plants using bio and 12 - 15 using
hydro. Good luck and send a free sample to the usual address when your crop is
ready.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was wondering
if male plants are smokable and if they have THC in them?
Thanks
sincerlely,
Henry. |
Dear
Henry,
Yes they are smokable, but
so is catnip. Male plants have very little THC in them and therefore not worth
bothering with. They can also completely fuck up your crop. Always use genuine
F1 seeds, which are less likely to produce male plants
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am an
experienced cannabis smoker and I would like to grow my own, however I live
with my parents and space is limited. What is the minimum space needed and what
would I need to make it? It would be better if I could hide it in a wardrobe
etc., Could you give me a list of sites that sell the equipment?
Cheers,
Joanne. |
Dear
Joanne,
A small
wardrobe or cupboard with a 250watt sodium bulb is ideal for discreet cannabis
cultivation. Get air fresheners and joss sticks to hide the smell from your
parents and watch the electric bill.
For all your growing needs you
need look no further than
Starlite
Systems in Plymouth who have a complete range of products for cultivation
of indoor tomatoes plants, which can also be used for other uses. I believe
they do mail order too.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
First and
foremost, I think you should be congratulated on being an example to the rest
of the world that we potheads aren't lazy unmotivated individuals. My question
is; what are the different types of marijuana? I know of kindbud, shwag and
hydro. Also what makes them different and more or less potent?
Thank
you,
Mimibudz. |
Dear
Mimibudz,
Thanks for the
compliments; they do wonders for my ego you know. My misses chocked on her beer
when she heard that I'd been called an example to the world for not being a
lazy or unmotivated individual.
I believe (but remember I'm a Brit) that
kindbug is a good quality outdoor plant in America; shwag is bush weed that is
generally shite; and hydro is grown indoors using lights and is perfectly
acceptable.
The amount of THC or cannabinoids is what makes a marijuana
plant more potent. Due to some excellent selective breeding processes in
Holland and Canada, it seems to be getting stronger and stronger year by year.
I think I'm gonna have a spliff.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
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