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Ask Dr Hemp
Past archives September 2001
(part 2).
Scroll down the page to read past questions sent to our
pot expert, Dr Hemp. Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question
- you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].
Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In
Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Why did I have
to get old, out live all my smoking buddies and find myself a middle class
professional in suburbia, with no means for locating the weed I so need? It is
a real bitch getting old!
Cheers,
Holly. |
Dear
Holly,
My advice to you is to
start growing your own weed and wherever possible fight the constrains that you
feel middle age life is trying to grip you with and just carry on living your
life the way that you want to. All sounds rather idealistic, but in reality if
we don't live up to some of our ideals then we will fade into mediocrity and
never be happy again. Having worked in the caring profession before, I remember
feeling abhorred by people who gave up before their time as they became
lifeless and dull. Middle class suburbia needs to wake up and with more and
more people like you living in that world; I have hope for us yet!
On
the other hand, you could hold a coffee morning and get everyone totally
obliterated on hallucinogenic drugs, which I'm sure will liven up the
neighbourhood a little. Irresponsible or what!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am currently
in training for football in the fall. Is smoking still okay as long as I don't
do it too often?
Cheers,
J M. |
Dear
J M,
Well as I am English and
couldn't really give a fuck about American Football, I'll say yes to this one
(I assume you are American as you use the word fall instead of autumn).
If they do indeed do random drug tests in your club and this is a
problem; I suggest you start bribing officials or take up flower arranging
using top quality bud.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. If you really do
want to play and continue to smoke bud then I suggest buying some
detoxification formulas from
Clear Test to temporarily hide
any THC in your system. Although, it should be warned that marijuana is not a
performance-enhancing drug. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have tried
marijuana about three times and haven't even gotten high yet! It feels like I'm
inhaling. What should I do? Please help me.
Cheers,
Japes. |
Dear
Japes,
Well it looks like you have
got quite a problem here. However, it is going to be very difficult to help, as
I have no idea what it is that you have been smoking. It sounds like a pile of
shit though.
My best advice is to grow your own and in the meanwhile,
change your supplier, as (s)he don't sound very good. Unfortunately I cannot
help you with that one. A tip is not to buy off the street or in a pub, as
deals will more than likely be underweight and overpriced. Ask a few questions
to see if your dealer knows what it is that (s)he is selling and if (s)he says
"soap bar", report him/her to the police immediately (as long as the supplier
isn't working for them already you should be alright). If that fails, then sue
them under the Trade Descriptions Act for trying to sell you cannabis with
little or no cannabis in.
I doubt that this will work, but I find it
funny anyway!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have just
read your site on magic mushrooms and I am inspired. How can I tell which
mushrooms are magic and which mushrooms are poisonous and so on?
Cheers,
Haz
Lincoln, UK. |
Dear
Haz,
Hello Haz from Lincoln. My
advice to you is to buy yourself a good guide on mushroom identification and go
out and pick yourself some mushrooms. Having spent a few years of my life in
Lincoln, mainly off my face, I remember a few of the spots that I used to go
to. Both South and West Commons have been good in the past, as is the golf
course opposite the West Common. Also try the arboretum and any lawned areas of
land that you may come across. Magic mushrooms (liberty caps) seem to like
areas that have not been ploughed or fertilised inorganically, as the plant
grows more and more the longer the land remains undisturbed.
Have you
ever tried to climb the castle walls at 3 in the morning tripping your nuts
off? Very irresponsible or what!
Anyway happy pickings and
enjoy.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I smoke about
one joint every night and my wife is anti weed. I'm afraid if she finds out she
will kill me.
Worried,
Freebirth. |
Dear
Freebirth,
There are many
choices on this one.
Option one: Get rid of the wife. Find yourself a
good solicitor to make sure that she doesn't get any of your money from the
divorce.
Option two: Buy a pick-axe and some bin liners. Tell her family
and friends that she's just gone on a long holiday. For more advice on this
matter, speak to your Congressman.
Option three: Use all your powers of
persuasion with her to try and bring her round to your way of thinking. Tell
her that you are most apologetic for keeping a secret from her and that it was
done purely in order to keep the peace. Explain to her that your not an addict
and that you still love her, etc., etc., etc., If this goes well, then maybe
you should suggest growing a plant indoors, as they are absolutely beautiful
and fragrant plants.
Option four: Try getting her stoned, adding that
it is a much better alternative to getting pissed.
Option five: Get her
addicted to crack cocaine and pimp her as a prostitute.
Hope you find
this advice useful.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
La Tantalizing,
That's a new
question on me. I am not a chemist and cannot answer your question with any
scientific back up. I take it you mean: 'Will THC make imbalances in your
Vitamin E content?' If that is what you mean, the answer is I don't
know!
I did try a few experiments at home though.
I measured 5
grams of high quality cannabis bud and laid it on my forearm. Three hours
later, nothing had happened.
Later, with the same cannabis bud, I put
some in a pipe and smoked it. Within seconds I was stoned! I repeated this
experiment until all the bud was gone.
With these results, I came to a
clear conclusion that it was much better to smoke it than put it on my
skin!
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was wondering
about how many dimes are there in an ounce of weed? And what is a good price
for an ounce?
Cheers,
Ilana. |
Dear
Ilana,
I'm afraid I can't
answer that one, as Caned in Totnes is an English web site and you are from
America. I suppose though that a free ounce would be a good price anywhere! Why
don't you grow your own? Did you know that if you were to grow it yourself, the
cost would come down to about £6 ($8.76) an ounce? (This is running
costs, not the cost of setting up a room in the first place.) Now that's what I
would call a good deal!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have a
question about 'shrooms. I have heard that you can smoke them. I thought it
sounded ridiculous. Also when I smoke bud, like nuggets/ dank, I get all sorts
of crazy thoughts, good ones though, almost like I am Albert Einstein.
Cheers,
Tatman. |
Dear
Tatman,
Yes you can smoke
mushrooms, however, I find very little point, as the effects are much greater
when eaten or brewed into a tea.
As for the crazy thoughts, I reckon
that by looking at creativity in television advertising, it is clear to see the
amount of effect that drugs have. Some of these ideas could only be possible
because of the creative use of drugs. It's the same within the Music industry.
Were drugs not used, we would be making dull "Europop", fit only for the
Salvation Army. Considering we have the best music scene in the world, I think
that its use is justified.
This isn't to say that taking drugs will make
you more creative, just that if you find cannabis or mushrooms beneficial in
creativity, why not use them? Who's to say what Einstein was
on!
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Where's the
fire? Seriously, some friends and me are moving and want to
know.
Cheers,
Brades. |
Dear
Brades,
Don't bloody well ask me
where you can get bud. We don't actually sell it; we just smoke it. However, I
advise you not to smoke "killer bud" as it may well be your
last!!!!
Have you ever thought about growing your own?
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was wondering
if I was going to travel in a car for a while with a good amount of green, what
would be the best way to store it so that dogs could not smell it if I got
pulled over?
Lookin out for cops,
John. |
Dear
John,
I think you have a big
problem here. The only solution is that you give yourself up now before you do
anything too serious.
Your running around large amounts of cannabis
now, but how long will it be before you start drinking coffee and driving at
the same time! Hey, you reprobate!
It's people like you who bring good
quality bud to people like me that makes me angry. Don't whatever you do hide
your stash in a sealed container, make sure that your car is always in a good
state of repair and don't look like a hippy drug dealer/ smuggler. As long as
you don't do this you will get busted on a regular basis.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Is it possible
to get cannabis seeds out of birdseed and if so what does a seed look like? I
don't care about the quality of the seeds, I just want to know if is it
possible?
Concerned,
Ben. |
Dear
Ben,
Don't bother with
birdseed hemp, as it has been sterilised and therefore crap for this purpose.
Use a reputable company like
Pot Seeds, as they
guarantee F1 seed stock. Also, go out and buy yourself a good book, as there is
a lot more to it than putting it in a pot and waiting for it to grow (see the
cannabis bibliography on this web site).
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I recently
smoked some marijuana and got a really weird feeling all over. I actually
thought I was going to die. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I was
shivering physically but I was not cold. I was afraid to go to sleep because I
thought I would not wake up. When I dozed off finally, my boyfriend said I
jerked a lot in my sleep. Also, when I tried to stay awake by talking to my
boyfriend or watching TV I was unable to concentrate on what was going on. I
have never experienced anything like it. Could I be allergic? Why hasn't it
happened before? (I don't think it was laced at all because it didn't do
anything like that to him, and he smoked a lot and I only had 3 puffs.) It
started almost immediately. Please help me to understand. Does this mean I
should not smoke anymore?
Concerned,
Crystal. |
Dear
Crystal,
It sounds like you
have been through some experience there, and I'm sure there are many possible
answers to your question.
This seems to be quite a common experience. I
can't explain it in a scientific way, but sometimes cannabis can rise the
senses to such a degree that we feel uncomfortable with the effect it has upon
us. This can lead to paranoia and a feeling of alienation, which I can assure
you, is as much about growing up than anything. Your experience may also be due
to anxiety that you may feel due to the legality of the drug (I agree with most
doctors that alcohol and tobacco are infinitely larger killers).
It
could also be due to physical factors, such as; poor diet; over-partying; (the
two together are an extremely quick way to destruction), alcohol abuse, or just
the fact that there is tobacco in it may also alter the experience.
On
a morbid level it could be that you were smoking a conglomeration of low-grade
cannabis, henna, bitumen, early Wet Wet Wet records and industrial solvent
known as "soap bar".
Whatever it was, I am sure that you will have
something to learn from it; whatever you deduce from it, I hope that you only
ever do what you want.
The worst thing you could do is to join a weird
cult, (Jesus Army, Scientologists, Conservative Party, Police Force, Moonies,
etc., the list is pretty big; maybe another day), and never conform to
something other than what you wish upon yourself. Cannabis is no way to judge
someone, and should only be used medically, as a means of relaxation, or as an
aid to creative thought, not a sign of social status.
Another
alternative is to hide under the stairs and only come out when you're sure
there is no one in.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I'm in the
middle of my first grow and have got several male plants with lots of flowers
and pollen, can I smoke or eat the flowers and pollen to get
high?
Thanks in advance,
Mikka. |
Dear
Mikka,
Yes you can.
However,
you have contaminated your room by allowing male plants to pollinate your
females. The strongest cannabis is achieved only when the plants grown are all
female. When a female is pollinated it starts to produce seed and this detracts
the plant from producing THC, which is the active psychoactive ingredient that
produces the "high" experienced from Marijuana. Although THC is produced in a
"seeded" plant, it is not in such high quantities. Growing plants from the
seeds that are produced by your remaining females is not worth the effort.
My advice to you is to start again from scratch, make sure that your
stock comes from F1 seeds (an F1 is a first generation hybrid, which is bred to
be around 80% female and more resistant to turning hermaphrodite). Better still
buy F1 cuttings that have already been sexed if you can, get a good book and
get on with it. You should greatly improve with each crop.
Please send
me a sample when you are ready.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How do I smoke
cannabis without tobacco? Coz tobacco is evil!
Cheers,
Mr Pink. |
Dear
Mr Pink,
What sort of
stupid question is that?
To smoke cannabis without tobacco, I would
suggest smoking it with anything other than tobacco, i.e., on it's own in a
pipe or bong, etc., or as some do, using raspberry leaves or coltsfoot and the
like, though I'm not too sure about the taste myself. My personal preference is
neat bud spliffs!
Alternatively mix it with LSD; crack cocaine; opium;
amphetamines; laxatives; DMT; and poor euro dance music!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I think I'm in
love with acid.
I first took it a couple of years ago and spent most of
that summer tripped out. The thing is my boyfriend used to be an acidhead about
15 years ago and he says he doesn't like it now because he has flashbacks and
it makes him feel queasy at just the thought of it. We've had a few trips
together but he puts a downer on the whole thing afterwards even though we've
had a great time, while I just feel really euphoric and I love everything, and
I love the fact that I love everything.
Every time I mention about
getting some tabs in, he moans, I feel like having an affair with the drug
behind his back as I can't stop thinking about tripping out, in the same way as
some people can't stop thinking about having sex with another person. Am I
weird?
Otherwise we get on brilliantly, do you think I should just
stick to smoking joints and getting nicely stoned together or do you think I
should solo trip out until I come to the end of my dream journey?
Worried and lovesick,
Maisie. |
Dear
Maisie,
Acid is great isn't
it? Well it is up to the point that you are still enjoying it. I have had some
pretty horrific after effects that scrambled my brain for a few years, and
therefore can understand your boyfriends' trepidation. I'm all right nooooow,
and enjoy the drug whenever I use it, but it is really up to him whether he
wants to go through the possibilities of messing up again.
As for doing
it behind his back? I don't think that is a good idea and can only lead to the
end of your relationship. If he is a reasonable sort then maybe, you could sort
all this out above board, letting him know when you are going to do a trip, and
give him the chance to accompany you, even if he doesn't join
in.
Alternatively, get him addicted to smack and sell his arse to middle
aged businessmen. This won't sort out anything, but could bring you in a few
extra pennies. Sorted!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
My dog, which
is a small Chihuahua, ate a joint and now her head is swaying back and forth
and she really jumpy. It's been about 3 hours now and she moving a little more.
Will she be all right and will she ever go back to herself?
Cheers,
Robin
Ashworth. |
Dear
Robin,
Your dog is perfectly all
right. However, I feel that she may be a different dog after this experience.
Your little Chihuahua has just been tripping her tits off on the astral plane,
and has achieved a moment of spiritual identity, unusual for a dog. She may
start surprising you with her thoughtfulness, strength of character and
possibly the ability to read, write, talk and use light industrial machinery,
which I find difficult to believe. Phrases such as "Chill hombre!" are not
uncommon from the jowls of a Chihuahua.
It may also be necessary to
start adding magic mushrooms to her usual dog food on each full moon!
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
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